


You Be Me for Awhile (And I'll Be You)

by i_amthecosmos



Series: The Small Town Series [14]
Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance, One Direction (Band)
Genre: 90'S, Alcohol Abuse, Fighting, Forgiveness, Happy Ending, Jealousy, M/M, bisexual issues, small town AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-12-26 00:48:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12047832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_amthecosmos/pseuds/i_amthecosmos
Summary: Zayn and Niall's relationship, as told through their fights.





	You Be Me for Awhile (And I'll Be You)

**Author's Note:**

> I keep writing fics in this universe. This is one I've been meaning to write for some time. The title is from the Replacements song "I'll Be You". I think this Niall is obsessed with them and drives Zayn nuts with it. Thanks for reading.

Zayn woke up, groaning and turning over in bed. He looked at the clock, and it read six am. Then he remembered it was Saturday. He was about to flop back down and sleep more, but the bed was empty. He could hear Niall’s guitar. 

He wrapped a blanket around his hips and went to the kitchen. There Niall had coffee brewing, and was working on a song, singing softly. After a minute, Niall looked up. “Sorry,” Niall said, giving him a crooked smile. “Did I wake you up?”

Zayn shook his head, smiling at his sweet sunshine boy. “Nope. Just woke up. Are you making breakfast?” 

“Maybe,” Niall said. “I was going to and I got distracted.” He put down the guitar and came in close. They kissed, really more of a peck (gotta avoid morning breath). “Let me find something. Morning.”

“Morning,” Zayn said. He watched as Niall, in his boxers, bent over into the open fridge to look for food. Today was a good morning.

…

A lot of people seemed to think that Zayn and Niall’s relationship was like that all the time. At the bars they got teased for being the cutest couple (making Louis stand on his chair and demand that he and Liam get that vote). When they went to Atlanta or Athens to play, they got cooed over and told they were perfect.

They knew better. While they did have a good relationship for the most part, there were things that others didn’t see. First case in point: Niall’s jealousy. 

The first time that showed its ugly face was after a drag show in Atlanta. Zayn, set done but still in drag, hugged one of the other queens and talked to her for twenty minutes as they undressed, only to come out of the dressing room to a scowling Niall. He drove them silently until Zayn finally told him to cut the crap and tell him what was wrong.

Niall huffed. “I don’t know. I didn’t know that guy, and there you two were in a dressing room forever. I just started running off scenes in my head, of what you could be doing.” Niall stopped, looking stricken and Zayn tried to compose himself.

“Niall, I was in their with John, taking my face off, and telling him all about you. And he said I looked happy. Then I come out, ready to introduce you, and you looked like you wanted to kill both of us and throw the bodies in a lake. Don’t ever do that again.” 

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.” And then the tension was broken, and they stopped for Burger King before getting on the interstate. Zayn figured that would be that. 

…

When Niall had gotten with Zayn, it had been a huge thing for him. He was dating a boy. He came out to his family, who didn’t take the news all that well except for Bobby. He moved over a thousand miles to live in a place he’d never been before.

And yet, sometimes Zayn seemed to think he’d just throw it all away for the chance to date a girl again.

It actually took Niall a long time to notice. But eventually it started to add up-when Zayn would leave the room if Niall had straight porn. Or how he could go stiff and quiet if Niall talked to a girl. Niall couldn’t understand it. Hadn’t he done enough to earn Zayn’s trust?

“I know all that. And I know what I’m doing is wrong, because I shouldn’t assume that because you’re bisexual you’ll leave me for a girl. But it still freaks me out. Your life would be easier if you had a girlfriend instead of me. It’s different for me-I’m dating guys no matter what.” 

“Well for one thing, the last girl I dated threw a rock through my car window when we broke up, so I don’t know about easier,” Niall said. “Second, you are amazing. You’re the prettiest person I’ve ever seen of any gender. And you’re smart, creative, funny, all those things. Why would I settle after I’ve had you? Why would I do that?” 

Zayn shuffled his feet and stared at the floor. Niall let him twist in the wind for a bit, then tipped Zayn’s face up. “I love you. I’m not leaving you for a girl, don’t worry. You’re the one I want to be with. I turned my whole life upside down to be with you. I love you.” 

“I love you. I’m glad you came here to date me.” Then they kissed, and Niall felt happy. Safe, with his boyfriend. 

…

Zayn drove them back after spending a big day with his family. Niall was quiet in the passenger seat.

“Don’t be upset, they like you.” Zayn glanced at Niall, who didn’t seem to believe him. “I have a very big family and some of them still don’t understand that I’m with a man. There’s not much I could do about it.”

“Your aunties were talking about me in a language I don’t know,” Niall said, picking at his cuticles. “Your mom was the nicest, but I couldn’t eat most of her food. Acid reflux. I just felt so damn out of place.”

“The aunties were concerned for you, because my mom told them you had digestive problems. And my sisters love you.” Niall had brought his guitar, and his sisters sat on the grass in a half-circle around him as he played. The clapped and giggled and requested more songs until his mother had to get them to leave him alone. 

“Your dad was talking to you. What did he say?”

Zayn looked straight ahead. “He has some concerns.” In fact, his dad had some worries about Niall being white, even though Yaser had married white himself. He was also concerned about Niall being a mechanic and not having a college degree. Zayn had defended Niall, saying he was self-taught in music engineering and wouldn’t be a mechanic for his whole life. But he didn’t want to say all that to Niall. He was worried enough.

“I just, I don’t know. A lot of your family is really successful, and I’m doing alright, but it doesn’t look that good. And I’m not Muslim. I need to read up about it more, so I’ll know what’s going on.”

“See, that’s my Nialler. You’re already finding ways to deal with it.” Niall hadn’t really made a bad impression. It was just new, for his family. “They want to like you. They want to _love_ you. Just be patient, the next family gathering will be a lot less awkward.”

“Hope so,” Niall said, and He was silent for a few minutes. Then he straightened up in his seat. “Maybe I can bring some food next time. Even if it’s not very seasoned.”

“Bring something Irish,” Zayn said in agreement, and the rest of the ride home was better.

…

Niall liked Gerard the first time he met him. Gerard was Zayn’s mysterious boss, who ran most of the ad agency by phone as he stayed at home and wrote his comic zine that he sold through the mail. Zayn swore he did a good job even if it was remote. When Niall met him, it was on a rare day that he was in the office, and Niall had come by to pick Zayn up.

“Are you Niall? Hi!” Gerard was strange-looking, with dyed black hair and blotchy skin, wearing a t-shirt with Death from the comic. He didn’t look like someone you could entrust an ad agency with, and he seemed a bit-off. But he squeezed Niall’s hand, and Niall was reminded how so many straight people didn’t even want to touch a queer person’s hand. He decided Gerard was alright.

“I don’t think he’s straight,” Zayn said on the way home, and Niall cursed the small spark of jealousy that raised up in him. “He’s either bi, or maybe a transvestite. He’s shown me pictures of him in drag before.”

“Oh wow.” Niall had trouble picturing it. “Wouldn’t have thought it of him.”

“Yeah, he doesn’t perform, he just does it at home. I don’t think his girlfriend minds-she was in one of the pictures too, dressed like Batgirl.”

Niall decided that both Gerard and his girlfriend were nuts, but not in a harmful way. Then he put Gerard out of his mind.

It was a few months later that Zayn dropped the bomb. “Oh hey, i’m going to spend a weekend in Atlanta with Gerard. We’re going to dress in drag and go clubbing. His girlfriend’s okay with it. How about you?”

“I’m gonna lose my boyfriend for a weekend?” Niall pouted and Zayn looked guilty. “No, no, it’s okay. You’re doing this for Gee, right? So he can get his drag fantasies taken care of?”

“Yeah, mostly. And it seemed like fun. We’re getting hotel rooms Gee just wants to take it out for a test drive, I think. His brother Mikey just shook his head when I mentioned it. You’ve met Mikey, right?”

“Yeah.” Mikey was a good guy, but eccentric. Niall figured that whole family had to be kind of weird. “So, okay. I’m all right with it. Just be careful, okay? Don’t drive drunk.” Zayn smiled, looking relieved, and Niall was glad his former jealousy seemed to have tapered off. If Zayn wanted to have a good time with his boss, that was fine with him.

…

Zayn slammed the door as he entered their house , eleven pm on a Friday. “Fuck!” 

“Shit!” He watched as Niall spilled his beer. Niall was in his recliner, watching bi porn and obviously settled in for the weekend. He hadn’t expected Zayn back. “What happened? Zayn, you alright?”

“I had to leave early.” Zayn said down across from Niall. He needed to explain it, and to try not to get Niall riled up. “We booked separate hotel rooms. But when I went to get Gerard to go dancing, he was totally fucking drunk. He tried to kiss me. I pushed him off, got my shit, and left. Have you gotten any calls?”

“He did what?! Fuck the messages, let me at him! That fucking shit!” Zayn ignored him, shutting the TV off and going to the phone, Niall still yelling in the background. The message machines was full, nearly all of them from Mikey or Lindsey, Gerard’s girlfriend. They were mostly begging him not to quit, and promising that Gerard was going to seek help. Zayn turned the answering machine off.

“Are you going to quit?” Niall was stunned by the messages too, it seemed. It quieted him down, at least for a few seconds. 

“I don’t know. I’ll have to think about it.” Zayn wanted to step away from Niall right then. He was flushed, a little drunk, and looking like he was about to wreck the living room. “Niall, I need you to stay cool, can you?” 

 

“I just...that fucking bastard. How could he do this to you?” Niall’s hands were shaking, and that was it. Zayn was at his limit for dealing with impulsive drunks for this night. He grabbed his car keys. 

“I’m going to mom and dad’s. You stay here. I’ll talk to you when you’re sober.” He ran out the door, hearing Niall yell his name before the door shut. 

…

 

Niall spent a miserable night in their house, cursing Gerard’s existence and blubbering because Zayn had run out on him. He tried calling Zayn at his parent’s place, but Yaser answered the phone each time. By the third call, Zayn’s dad politely told him not to call back. 

He passed out at some point, and when he woke up, it was early afternoon and Zayn wasn’t back. Niall drank two huge black coffees, and drove to Liam and Louis’s place. 

After Louis left to check on Zayn (and Niall had to thank him for that later), he spent the afternoon with Liam. Liam was sympathetic and didn’t tell him he’d fucked up. Niall knew that already. He watched golf until Zayn came and collected him. They took Zayn’s car, Liam promising to bring Niall’s over before it got dark. The ride home was silent.

When they got home, Zayn looked around. Niall couldn’t make himself sleep in his and Zayn’s bed, so the couch was a mess of blankets, with empty beer bottles on the foor. “Niall. What am I going to do with you?” Zayn got a trash bag and handed it to Niall, giving him a glare that Niall had seen Trisha used on Zayn’s sisters. Niall started picking up the bottles. “If this is how you react to Gerard trying to kiss me, what happens when we have a real problem? I needed you to hold on and take care of me, not make it all about you.” 

 

“I’m sorry,” Niall said, stumbling a little. He saw Zayn wince. “I’m sorry I got drunk too. Maybe I shouldn’t be drinking this much.” He picked up another bottle, there were a lot of them.

“How much did you drink at Liam’s?” Niall shrugged. “Damn it Niall. Maybe you should see a doctor. Why do you drink so much anyway?” 

Niall had to think about it, straightening up when he’d gotten all the bottles. “At first, just for a laugh,” he said. “Because I’m Irish, I drink tea and beer, lots of both. But it’s changed over the past couple of years. It’s like...I drink so I don’t have to think about what people say about me. Like the other day, a girl came in the studio I was working at. Later, she was out in the hall and she said “He’s good looking, but I heard he’s gay. It’s a waste of men.” Niall looked at his shoes, trying to get his thoughts in order.

“She doesn’t even know you-”

“I’m not done. I’m not gay enough either. Remember when Louis used to talk shit about bisexuals, right in front of me? I’m pretty sure Liam told him to knock it off, he doesn’t do it anymore. But I heard him. Remember that guy who told you to our faces that I’d leave you?”

“I do. And I remember I threatened to punch him. I don’t think of you that way, isn’t that enough?” 

“You get scared. And jealous. Just like I do. Not too bad, not enough to really make me think you’ll leave, but you do. I guess my drinking got worse without me knowing it. What am I going to do? I’m not going to that AA meeting at the Methodist church and have everyone freak out when they find out I’m queer.” 

Zayn sat down on the couch, head in his hands. Niall sat down next to him. “I’m still making this about me, aren’t I?’ He put his arm around Zayn, and heard him take a deep breath, then leaned into Niall’s touch.

“Well, your drinking has become a problem,” Zayn said, and Niall felt himself tear up. He’d failed Zayn. “But it’s one we can work on. And yeah, I just wanted you to hear me, maybe hug me a little, and instead I got even more drama. I didn’t need it, but you’re sorry now.” 

“Yeah, I am. How did things go, at your parent’s house? And are you going to quit?” 

Zayn got up and got his cigarettes. Niall watched as he lit one and then took a drag. “I think I’ll stay. I don’t want to get a new job, with you just starting that engineer gig in Atlanta three days a week. And if Gerard goes to rehab, he’ll probably be okay. He’s not a bad person, he just went too far.”

The fightier side of Niall wanted to protest, but he knew it was true. Gerard never seemed to mean any harm. He was just a fucked-up artist, same as Niall. Zayn sat back down and smoked his cigarette. After a few minutes, Zayn said “My parents are fine. My dad actually made a strong case for staying with you, as long as you watched your drinking. I didn’t mention it to him, but he knew, somehow.”

“Fuck.” Niall didn’t want to disappoint Yaser. It was hard being far away from Bobby, so he leaned on Yaser as a father figure. “I’ll talk to him later, let him know I’m trying.” 

“Yeah. If you are trying.” Zayn looked over at him, and Niall nodded. He couldn’t back down now. “You know, in that gay paper in Atlanta, there was a counselor there, specialized in gay patients. Maybe you could go see them when you’re in town for work. It’ll be a start.”

“Maybe. I could probably use it.” Privately Niall didn’t hold out much hope. A lot of gay men felt the way that Louis did about bisexuals. But he’d give it a try. “I’ll call them. And I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s okay.” Zayn put out his cigarette. “I’m exhausted. Everything about this was too much. I’m going to call Lindsey and tell her I’m still in. But I’m going to go to our bedroom. I’m not going to bed yet, we have to wait for Liam to bring your car. But I need some time alone.”

“Okay,” Niall said. He knew that Zayn needed alone time, especially when he was upset. Niall put on some music, not loud enough to disturb Zayn, and did the dishes.

Liam came by a bit later and Niall took the keys, not sure if he should let Liam in. Liam didn’t seem like he didn’t want to stay, anyway. 

“Do you need a ride back home?” Niall said, and Liam shook his head. 

“Harry’s coming to get me. We asked her to help.” Niall felt a bit of a twinge at that-he didn’t want to involve all of their friends in their troubles. But he said nothing. “Are you two okay?” 

“Yeah. Zayn just doesn’t want company right now. I don’t blame him. Can I sit outside with ya for a while?” Liam didn’t look put off by it, even though they’d spent most of the afternoon together. Niall locked the door and they sat out on the sidewalk in front of their rented house. Niall saw a neighbor look glare out the window at them. Niall tried to ignore it.

After a few minutes, Niall said “Thanks for letting me come over. I needed it. And um, I might be getting some help with my drinking soon.” Liam nodded, but didn’t look surprised. Niall didn’t know what to say after that, so they sat in silence until Harry arrived in her red Chevy, waving. Liam left, and Niall waved back at Harry and went back inside. 

…

 

Zayn finished up his work and stood up, stretching. It had been a long day, and he was still getting used to having Gerard actually in the office. After his time in rehab, he had agreed to work from work more. And now the office also included Mikey, who came with Gerard to be a secretary, more or less. Their tiny ad agency was getting slightly bigger. 

Zayn went to knock on Gerard’s open office door. Gerard started-he was working on a storyboard for a comic. “Hey. Five o’clock. I’m going to wait outside for Niall. See you Monday.” 

“Oh. Oh!” Gerard sat up, and looked around his office. “Okay, you can go. I’m gonna do a few more things here. See you.” 

“Okay.” Zayn got his cigarettes and went out front. He passed Mikey, who waved as he tried to figure out the phone system. Zayn hoped the agency would still be here next month with both Way brothers working for it.

He sat on a bench in front of the tiny office. He worked in a bigger town close to home, and it was a nice place. He still got a lot of stares because of his color, but he didn’t react to it. He just sat outside and waited on his boyfriend. 

Niall finally made it-he’d been working in town, not Atlanta, but he sometimes worked later on days he was in the garage. Dividing his time between that and his engineering job took a lot, but he still insisted on picking Zayn up some days. Niall pulled over and Zayn got up, dropping his cigarette on the ground and stepping on it. “Hey.”

“Hey babe.” Zayn got in Niall’s sporty little coupe he’d bought for cheap and restored. “Those two are driving me crazy.”

“Has Mikey figured out the phones yet?” Zayn rolled his eyes and Niall laughed. “Sorry I asked. Hey, do you want to stop and get some food, or just go home?”

“Stop at home so I can shower. I smell like art supplies.” Niall chuckled again and merged. Zayn leaned back in his seat as Niall got them out of there. 

When they got home, Zayn did have a shower, and then they went out to eat with Liam and Louis at the BBQ joint. There weren’t many other places to eat in town, but Zayn didn’t mind as long as he didn’t have to eat pork. (He wasn’t Muslim any more, but some habits stayed.)

“Glad to see you two, been a while.” Zayn paid attention to the conversation again. Louis was talking, and Zayn wondered if he’d been avoiding him. He hadn’t meant to. “I mean, you guys have been busy, Niall working two jobs and all.” 

“It’s been a lot, but I’m glad to be working at the studio,” Niall said. “It’s a great chance to learn.” The pay wasn’t much, and they had to make some cuts in their budget, but it was worth it to see Niall excited about what he was doing.

“Yeah, my job’s basically the same.” He could get frustrated at the agency, but he was lucky to get a job in the area that was creative at all. He drank some tea. “Maybe if Niall keeps his job, we might move to Atlanta, I could look for something there.”

There was a long pause. Zayn saw Liam and Louis look at each other. “Well, we’ll hate to lose you,” Liam said. “But it might be good for your careers if you left.”

“But, maybe come back on the weekends?” Louis sounded unusually plaintive. “Maybe get a house, and keep it here. I hate it when people leave.”

“I wouldn’t mind, havin’ a house,” Niall said. “Even if we were only here on the weekends. But we’d need money, and someone to sell us one.”

“Both difficult,” Louis said with a dramatic sigh. Liam giggled, which made Zayn smile. Liam tended to think anything Louis did was cute, which probably helped with living with Him. But then Louis perked up. “Hey Zayn, doesn’t one of your aunts have a house outside of town, that her kids didn’t want to live in?” 

“Do you think she’ll sell it to me?” Zayn hadn’t even thought of asking his aunt. “It might save money in the long run, if we did. Niall’s still spending a couple of nights a week in Atlanta, but...this might work well.”

“Call her,” Niall said. He looked thrilled at the idea. And right then, Zayn decided that even if they did move, they would get the house. They needed a place all theirs. 

“I’ll invite her over for tea,” Zayn said. “Or ask to come over. She’ll be surprised, I think.” Niall nudged him under the table. 

When dinner was over, they went back to their rented house. Zayn had never liked it-the drains were sluggish, the paint job ugly. Maybe they could do better. “I’m going to call her tomorrow. Do you think it’s a good idea?”

“A great one, Zaynie, a great one.” Niall pulled him in for a kiss. “I’m glad you’d want to do this with me. I’ve been trying to get better, I hope you can tell.” Zayn brushed a thumb over Niall’s lower lip, then bit it gently.

“Of course. You’re my Niall, I’m going to want to get a house with you.” Niall kissed him again, and went to the fridge, coming back with a Diet Coke. He was drinking a lot of soda since he started cutting back on booze, from what Zayn had read, that was normal. Zayn got some water, and they sat on the couch, watching TV. 

When the ads started, Niall leaned in for another kiss. Zayn kissed him back, one hand in Niall’s hair. When they pulled apart, Niall stared at him. “Fuck, you are always so beautiful. Do you want to go to bed?” 

“For a bit, yeah,” Zayn said, laughing when Niall got mock-offended. “Yeah, I want you to fuck me. Let’s go back. Niall beamed again, and Zayn pulled off his shirt. 

When they were in bed, Zayn on his back, he thought about how the good times always seemed to outnumber the bad. That despite everything, they were good for each other.

“Stop thinking so hard,” Niall said, and Zayn tried to focus on his lover.


End file.
